


The Road Home

by Adarian



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-11
Updated: 2015-01-11
Packaged: 2018-03-07 01:42:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3156245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adarian/pseuds/Adarian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian returns to Tevinter to arrange for his inheritance to bypass him and unto a cousin. After weeks of his absence, Trevelyan receives a letter from him, saying that Dorian is not returning to Ferelden. Fearing the worst, the Inquisitor goes to Dorian's homeland to find him, only to discover that Dorian's parents have managed to perform a blood ritual on him. The ritual, however, has failed and left Dorian in a near coma. </p><p>Trevelyan rescues him and brings him home, but it is only the beginning of Dorian's recovery. </p><p>Written for a kink-meme prompt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Road Home

"And so then I can announce Feron as my successor and officially give up my citizenship, but then I have to apply for Ferelden citizenship-which shouldn't be a problem, since the King and Queen both happen to be taken with me. At that point, I will be considered about the same legal equivalent as deceased so my cousin Feron will be officially my parent's heir, bypassing me while still not actually disowning me."

Trevelyan stared at him blankly. "And this is a...good thing?"

Dorian rolled his eyes. "Surprisingly, this is the least complicated way to get my parents off my back. I can keep my full legal name, officially kick myself out of Tevinter, and be free to live in sin with you. If you don't mind me being poor as a Chantry mouse, of course."

"I don't think we have to worry about running out of money any time soon," Trevelyan teased, "but I did actually like the idea of you taking my last name."

Dorian joked, "I'm sure your family would have been thrilled by that prospect, but you know that I'm a thoroughly modern man. I would possibly hyphenate, but your last name is such a mouthful already it doesn't need mine attached to it."

Trevelyan held him closer and Dorian kissed his forehead.

"It's month or two at the most," Dorian promised. "I have all of Vivienne's letters and notes, Josephine's contacts, I'll be fine. We've been apart longer than that."

"But this is different," he protested, "I'm just..."

"I'll write you every day," Dorian reassured. "Though I'll probably be back before you get half of them. I'm not even staying in the same city as my parents. Maevaris is letting me stay with her. I'll probably see them once the entire time and in public."

"Let me go with you," he pleaded.

Dorian joked, "I know it'd be a good excuse for you to run away from Skyhold, but it will be rather boring in comparison to here. Many less dragons."

Dorian kissed him softly before pulling away.

"I should leave as soon as I can," he said. "The sooner I leave, the sooner I get to come back to you."

Trevelyan kissed him again and murmured, "Travel safe, Dorian."

****

My love,

I have forgotten how hot Minrathous is this time of year. I think I may have actually adapted to Ferelden's winters. Who would have guessed it? Maevaris sends her love and promises to send more sweet things to the ladies. She also asked about Cullen, but then blushed when I pressed her more about it. Perhaps you should suggest to him he write, it would make her month. Then you two can bond about being good Chantry boys involved with evil Tevinter mages.

I get ahead of myself. I've met with my first round of officials today and have contacted my cousin. He should be here from the north in a few days. I haven't seen him since we were children, but he is aware of the situation and is quite willing to help take all my money. He was always a rather self-servicing sort. But I'm told his wife is actually quite nice.

I've found the nicest little pendant of an arrow. I'm sending it along with the chocolates. Sera's birthday is coming up, I'm sure she would love it.

I miss you. I'm sorry I didn't write during the voyage. You know how seasick I get.

All my love,  
Dorian

****

Feron is even less fun than I remember as a child. He has three boys now, all under the age of five. It makes me pity his poor wife, but she seems to have enough slaves to help her. Maker, I can't believe I was ever used to slavery. You southerners have corrupted me so much.

Feron and I have been arguing all week. He seems to want to spend our entire family fortune on something called PollyTons, which I'm told is some sort of wine and juice hybrid. It sounds disgusting to even me, and I'll drink anything. He thinks it will be a good investment. While it would amuse me greatly to see the Pavus family dynasty end in a drunken disaster, I feel like I should probably pick someone else. After all, this was being done to prevent my parents' embarrassment. 

Maevaris has been called to the south with some sort of reparations talks with mages who are trying to enter Orlais. I'm going to stay with my cousin Fera (don't ask me about the names, their parents were quite odd). Now she I actually like. I hope. The last time I saw her she was still wearing her hair in pigtails. Worst case, I do have four other cousins. Someone will be suitable. Hopefully.

Love,  
Dorian

****

Alquin,

Fera is a disaster waiting to happen. And that's coming from me. I won't go into details because of the poor girl's privacy, but...sheesh. Her sister, the youngest of this side of the family, is barely sixteen right now. I'm not sure if I can bypass both of them to give it to her if she's still underaged.

There're two more cousins on my mother's side. One of them I imagine will actually be a mature human being. As far as they go in Tevinter.

I hope all is well.

Dorian

 

****

You've probably received a dozen letters from me by now, but I needed to include something with the pendant and chocolates. I hope they came quickly enough, I did send them the day after I arrived here. 

I imagine I'll be home soon after you get this. I love you so much. I can't wait to come home to you. I'll have to find an extra special present for you. Hopefully something in leather. Like a hardcover copy of Emerituris' The Second Blight: A Thorough History. Ha!

I joke. Mostly. 

All of my love,  
Dorian

****

Alquin,

I'm not sure how exactly to say this. But I'm not coming back to Skyhold. I feel awful, I never wanted to tell you over letter, but I have to. Both cousins are utter morons, but even that I could live with. I just can't abandon my family like this. My mother and I have started talking things through, I think we're making progress. I just don't want to ruin things now. 

I care about you, I do. But I know you understand duty. 

I'll write to you soon, but it may be awhile. I just need some space.

Dorian

****

Trevelyan put the letter down slowly. He played with the arrow pendant, the chocolates already stolen away by Leliana. Dorian clearly hadn't intended for both letters to arrive at the same day, but the differences between the two were striking enough. 

Something was wrong. He could feel it in his chest. It had been a month now, he was supposed to be home, but now he was talking about staying...there was something not right, something Dorian wasn't telling him.

He went back into Josephine's study, the ambassador already making tea for her and Leliana to drink while they ate their goodies. 

"Would you like a cup, Inquisitor?" She asked cheerfully. "You'll have to tell us about all of Dorian's antics this week. Who has he annoyed now?"

"Josephine," he asked, "have you had any word from Maevaris Tilani lately?"

Josephine giggled, pouring herself Leliana a cup of tea. "Now, I'm not one to gossip, but Cullen actually received a letter from her this week. They've been sending ravens back and forth like mad. It's very sweet."

Trevelyan left without another word, heading towards Cullen's office. He opened the door quickly, scaring Cullen's underlings to run out. 

"Inquisitor?" Cullen asked over his desk.

"You've been writing Maevaris?"

Cullen blushed. "Umm...here and there. Why do you ask?"

"Has she mentioned Dorian in any of her letters?" He demanded.

"Briefly," Cullen said. "About a month ago. She said that he had gone to stay with his parents after only spending a day or so with her. She was against it, but wanted to give him some space."

"She's not in Orlais?"

"To the best of my knowledge no." Cullen frowned. "She's been in Tevinter since the Breach was sealed."

Trevelyan felt his throat closing and he said quickly, "I have to go to Minrathous. Cullen, don't tell anyone besides Josephine and Leliana. Say I've gone to visit my family, anywhere else. I need to find Dorian. Right now."

Cullen nodded. "I'll make the arrangements-"

"I'm leaving right now," Trevelyan said. "I can't wait any longer."

****

Trevelyan barely slept on the voyage across the sea. He hired carriages to drive through the night and rode as hard as he could during the day. The regular journey, by road and by fastest ship, took about 20 days. He did it in 12.

He rested at an inn near the edge of the city, utterly exhausted. He went under his own cousin's name, Marvin, hoping that he could simply appear to be one of the Altus while he looked for Dorian. He didn't want to wait any longer, but he needed decent clothes and a shave. Right now, no one would mistake him for nobility. 

He fell asleep before he even hit the bed.

****

A slave of the innkeeper attended to him in the morning, helping him dress and shave. Trevelyan wanted to protest, but he had to play along, at least until he found Dorian. That was all that mattered now.

He called for a carriage to take him to the Pavus Estate, near the centre of the city. He spoke coolly, saying nothing to the driver. The less he said to give himself away, the better.

He paid him and exited the carriage, standing before the imposing doors to the foyer. While he was tempted to simply break it down, he rung the bell and waited.

An elven slave opened the door and smiled kindly. "Serah?"

"Lord Marvin Sanchiro," he introduced. "I have come to call on my cousin Lady Theodora Pavus. I bring greetings from my own mother, Lady Avabela Sanchiro, and this letter of introduction."

"Greetings," she replied, taking the letter. "Please come in. My mistress will receive you in the salon."

Another slave took his coat and gloves, leaving him to walk into the mansion. He prayed that Marvin had been as anti-social as he had as a child, making it unlikely he had ever met this distant cousin. Either way, he had gotten into the house. 

He entered the salon, the doors closing behind him as he sat down. He held his hands together, trying to keep calm. 

He stood as the doors opened again and a woman entered, her smile reminding him so strongly of his own love. He bowed and she curtsied before sitting down, gesturing for the slave to close the door. 

"It is good to meet you, cousin," Lady Aquinea Thalrassian greeted. "Your mother has always said good things about you and your brothers in her letters. Tell me, how is your bride to be, Lady Sarina? I expected to receive an invitation by now."

"There have been difficulties with mail delivery in the Free Marches," he apologized. "Floods have wiped out much of the roads. It should be coming shortly. I am currently arranging my younger brother's marriage. My mother thought it might be wise to bring in a wife from Tevinter."

"How unusual," she chuckled, "but I suppose I could assist. I don't imagine many families would want a daughter to marry into an independent blood line, but there has always been much magic in your family."

"I suspect my mother wanted me to travel a bit before the marriage," he continued to lie. "I have never been...social. It is good to explore the world a bit before settling down."

"I did a tour of Nevarra myself before I married," she admitted. "Did me a world of good. However, I do not know if it would be wise for you to stay with us, but perhaps with my sister. Our Dorian has come home now after all this business in Ferelden and he is quite ill. It would do you no good to get sick before the marriage."

Trevelyan swallowed. "Is he alright?"

"He will be better soon enough," she promised. "He has always been a resilient young man."

The doors opened and they both stood. Trevelyan's heart raced as he recognized Halward standing before him.

"Get out of my house," Lord Pavus growled.

"Darling-"

Trevelyan demanded, "Where is he?"

"My son told you that he is not interested in seeing you again," Lord Pavus reminded. "Now, be a man and respect his wishes. He is ill and not up to listening to your filth. You have done enough corrupting our son-"

"Then let him tell me that himself," Trevelyan growled. "I am not leaving until I see him. You'll have to drag me out into the streets."

"Darling," Lady Pavus asked quietly. "This is him?"

He agreed, "This is Lord Trevelyan."

"Then perhaps he can help," she said softly. "If he is as powerful as they say-"

"I will not hear of it," Halward said.

"But I will," Aquinea said firmly. "We can only do this so much longer, we need to do something or he will not last much longer."

Halward closed his eyes as Aquinea took Trevelyan's hands in her own.

"Follow me," she said.

She led him through the grand hall and up a flight of stairs. Trevelyan lost track of the rooms or steps, wrapped up in his own fears of what to expect. Eventually she stopped, unlocking a door before gesturing him inside.

In a shuttered, candle-lit room, Dorian lay on his back, eyes closed, his arms lying on his sides. His hair had grown in slightly but had been cut lovingly. His face was completely clean-shaven. He could not help but sit beside him, ignoring the protests of the Lord and Lady as he took Dorian's cool hand in his. Still, there was a pulse.

Trevelyan stroked his face, but Dorian did not stir. He might be tempted to say he was just asleep, but Dorian slept on his side, generally curled up in a ball, hogging all the covers to himself. And he snored. Seeing him like this...it was like seeing him in a tomb.

"What did you do to him?" He whispered.

"He wanted to help the family," Aquinea said. "We've tried to be understanding, but we wanted what was best for him. We thought when he came home that he was giving it all up including his...dalliance with you. But he told us..."

"That he was in love," Halward said angrily. "It is one thing to end such a long standing bloodline, but to disgrace us so...I thought...I thought we had a chance to set things right. But the ritual didn't work. I pushed it further than I should have and he resisted."

Aquinea continued softly, "We've sought help, discreetly, for weeks. We didn't want it publicly known what had happened. But we are desperate. He remains...like this. He collapsed when it was done, just...folded. The slaves have cared for him and our magic has stopped him from starving, but he is still growing thinner. Sometimes he moves, but he does not speak. We have even gone into the Fade, trying to find him, but..."

Lord Pavus held his wife to him as Trevelyan shook angrily.

"He should never have come here," he growled. "He wanted to take care of you and you did this to him! He is dying because of what you did! What if it had worked? You were willing to live with yourself, knowing everything you stripped from him? You might as well had made him Tranquil, at least then he'd be conscious."

"We did the best we could for our son," the Lady pleaded. "Do not judge us too harshly. Please...please, my Lord."

"You wrote those letters," Trevelyan accused. "You kept me from him. You didn't want anyone to know about this...this murder! You would risk your son's life twice for your own bloody reputation?"

"Please, lower your voice, you are a guest in our home," Aquinea replied. 

Trevelyan stood. "I am the leader of the Inquisition, Lord of Skyhold, and you have harmed one of my men. By Chantry laws, I have the right to take you both as prisoners to be judged before me. But I will not. I will take Dorian with me and you will never contact him again. That is your punishment. If he is to die, let him die with those who love him as he is. You shame yourselves enough, I need not do it for you."

He gestured to a slave. "Please send for a carriage. I wish to leave as soon as possible."

He scooped Dorian carefully into his arms, cradling him the best he could to his body. He walked down the stairs and allowed a servant to drape his own coat over Dorian. Trevelyan did not look back.

****

To his great relief, Maevaris was home. It seemed he was barely past the threshold before Dorian was taken from him and brought to a spare bedroom on the bottom floor. He could hear her instructing servants still when he made it to Dorian's bedside.

Trevelyan sat on the bed beside him, his arms still aching from the weight of him. He held Dorian's hands to his own face, kissing them both.

"Hang on a little longer, my love," he pleaded.

He hesitated. He could swear he felt his pulse grow faster. Trevelyan kissed his skin again and Dorian's ring finger twitched slightly. Trevelyan gasped, laughing. 

"Okay," he whispered. "Okay."

****

He refused to leave Dorian's side as the healers examined him, though he would eat whenever Maevaris put food down in front of him. As night fell, the healers left to rest, leaving Trevelyan and Maevaris alone with Dorian in that little room, drinking tea as they watched him.

"It will be okay," she promised. "I've seen this magic before a handful of times. The damage is often reversible. He's safe here with us. We just have to wait. I know these people, they've saved a lot of good people in this country. If anyone can help him, they can."

Maevaris looked over at the bed and whispered, "I should have never let him go." 

"Me neither."

"There was a lot of damage," she warned softly. "If he does wake...he may not be the same as he once was."

"I know," he murmured. "Maker...I should have known. I should have come sooner."

"He's a fighter," she comforted. "He always has been. You should get some rest."

He shook his head. "You go ahead. I'm going to stay up."

She nodded, kissing him on the top of his head before leaving the room. Trevelyan laid down on the bed beside him, Dorian stirring slightly. He kissed his forehead softly, resting his head on his chest.

"I can't believe I miss the mustache," Trevelyan chuckled, "and you look so odd with longer hair. Still handsome, I promise. It would be difficult for you not to be."

He closed his eyes and whispered, "I'm never going to leave you again. No matter what happens. If you get better, if you don't. I will do everything I can for you. I love you so much, Dorian."

His skin felt warmer to the touch and Trevelyan held him to him, trying to rest. If he could only will himself to sleep, maybe they could find each other in the Fade. If Dorian was even there.

****

When he woke, Dorian was lying on his side, the covers curled under his arm. Trevelyan touched his shoulder. Dorian did not respond, but his breathing grew easier. He kissed his cheek and rose, only to find a hand grasping lightly after his. Trevelyan froze, Dorian's fingers trying to close around his hand weakly.

"Mae!" he cried.

The woman appeared a few moments later, wrapped in her housecoat. She gasped, clapping her hands together.

"It's working!" She cheered. "I'll get them back, the more treatment he can get, the better. Hang in there, Dorian!"

Trevelyan sat back beside him, squeezing his hand back.

****

Trevelyan was returning from his mandatory walk when he saw Maevaris outside the Estate, handing letters to a young elven girl.

"Good, you're here," she called to him. "I've just sent word to Skyhold about our progress here. I think you're going to be rather pleased."

Trevelyan ran back in, seeing Dorian sitting up in the bed, his hands shaking as he ate pieces of a fruit Trevelyan didn't recognize. He went to help him, but Maevaris held him back.

"Let him do it," she encouraged. "He's regaining fine motor skills already, it's amazing. I even saw him walk a little earlier. I told you. He's a fighter. It seems like he's having trouble hearing, but he's reacting to touch and sight. I'm not sure if he's able to speak."

Dorian saw him and a ghost of a smile crossed his lips before he went back to eating.

****

Dorian slept most of the next two days, feverish and vomiting. Maevaris kept him from the room, wanting to let the healers continue their work. 

"It's a process," she reminded him. "It takes time."

Each time he heard it, he hated her more and more. She had promised him that he was getting better. It felt more like a lie every time now. 

But he listened and waited.

****

A day later, Trevelyan woke up on a couch, hearing footsteps. He rose, seeing Dorian walk shakily towards him. Trevelyan caught him, holding him close to him. 

Dorian whispered, "Thank you."

"Are you hungry?" He asked.

Dorian nodded, letting Trevelyan take his arm, guiding him towards the dining room. He sat him down and went into the larder, finding a few buns of bread and some cheese. He came back and cut both into small pieces on a plate, leaving it just in front of him.

Dorian toyed with a piece of bread and said, "I've been sick, haven't I?"

"Just a little," Trevelyan said, watching anxiously as Dorian ate.

Dorian asked, "Have I been sleeping?"

"Do you remember what happened?" Trevelyan asked softly.

Dorian shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

"This used to be shorter, I think," he murmured to himself.

"I'll cut it for you when you're feeling better," Trevelyan promised.

"I feel like I'm in a fog," Dorian said. "I'm having trouble with some words. Like this."

He tapped on the wood. "This is a table. But I have no idea what the thing I'm sitting on is called. Like a table for one's bottom."

Trevelyan smiled. "A chair. It'll come back. Healers Lana and Lois have been really happy with your progress. You've just had a few rough days. You didn't eat for a long time, your body just has to get used to it again."

"I can hear better now," Dorian said with a faint smile. "It's nice. I only heard some shouting before, but I can hear quieter things. Like you. You have a quiet voice."

Trevelyan touched his cheek and Dorian did not react.

"I know you are my friend," Dorian said, touching his hand, "but I don't remember much. It's coming back. I remember sitting outside with you in the summer. There were daisies, I think. You have been kind to me, both you and Mae. She says if I'm doing better, you and I are going home soon."

Trevelyan said sadly, "Yes, maybe in a week or so. You'll like Skyhold. We have a lot of friends there, people who will be happy to see you. Healer Lana has agreed to go back with us. She's helping Cassandra with the Tranquil."

Dorian looked in confusion and Trevelyan let go. "Never mind, love. It'll come back. Why don't you finish what you can? I should go write some letters."

He smiled. "Okay, I will see you later."

Trevelyan barely made it to his own room before he started crying. Maevaris heard him and entered, holding him to her.

"You've been very strong," she soothed, kissing his forehead. "You'll go home soon. It'll be easier when he's around things he remembers. The trip might be a bit difficult, but he has you."

"He doesn't know who I am," he murmured.

"He does in his way," she promised, sitting him down on the bed. "He trusts you. He doesn't like anyone touching him but you. Deep down, Dorian remembers that you love him. You knew he might not be the same man exactly, but he still loves you. I believe in him."

They both heard a shriek and a burning smell. They both raced out, seeing Dorian laugh nervously as he patted out a small fire on the table.

"I'm a mage," Dorian chuckled. "I'll try to remember that. No more house fires."

****

Trevelyan put the book down on the end table and Dorian curled into his blankets.

"You used to sleep here with me, didn't you?" Dorian asked tiredly. "I remember you holding me. It felt really nice. I felt safe."

"It'll be better for you to have your own bed for awhile," he comforted. "You'll get a better rest that way."

"I think I've had plenty of rest," Dorian joked. "A month or two lying on one's back tends to make one a little anxious for company."

"Well, maybe I need rest and I was being nice," Trevelyan teased.

"You should stay," Dorian said. "I want to hear more of this story. You said that I know the man who wrote it?"

"Yes, and you tease him for it being awful," Trevelyan said. "You normally hate reading this stuff on your own."

"I miss that," Dorian murmured. "Reading. I know I used to read all day, everything I could get my hands on...now...now it's just scribbles on a page. Nonsense."

"You're not missing much with this book," he comforted. "You'll learn again. Until then, I will read you whatever nonsense you want."

"We'll have lots of time on the way to Ferelden," Dorian said. "I think I'm ready to go."

"We could wait longer," he argued. "It's a long trip and you don't remember this, but you get seasick really badly. And Healer Lana says you're not allowed any alcohol for...well, a really long time."

Trevelyan rose. "You should sleep. If you're sure on tomorrow, then you should get some rest."

Dorian reached out to him. "Please. Please stay. I miss you when you're gone."

Trevelyan held his hand and whispered, "I really, really want to. But not until you're better, Dorian."

"Okay," he said quietly, turning on his side. "Then, good night then."

****

Maevaris held onto Dorian for a long time, until the man started giggling and pushed her away.

"I'll write when we get there," he promised. "Thank you, Mae. I will miss you. You'll come visit, right?"

"In a month or two when you're settled in," she promised. "Now, you behave yourself and don't drive that man of yours too crazy."

Dorian climbed into the carriage and she hugged Trevelyan.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?"

He nodded. "Lana is with us and we'll be home soon enough. There will be a lot of familiar things and lots of support. It'll be good for him to get out of Tevinter."

She kissed his cheeks and let him go.

"Take care of yourself, Inquisitor," she said kindly, "and take care of him. Write to me when you can."

Trevelyan climbed into the carriage with Dorian and Lana, the healer already sleeping. Dorian curled beside him, laying his head on his shoulder.

"I'm excited to get out of this city," Dorian confided. "Though I'm starting to remember what boats are like. Will it be that awful? Will you hold my hair back for me when I start hurling over the side of the boat?"

"I could cut it," he offered.

Dorian shook his head. "I rather like pulling it back. Soon I might be able to have a little bun. But I do miss the mustache. I think I might need your help for that. My hands are not quite steady enough for a razor yet."

"I can do that," Trevelyan said, "Whatever you need."

He put his arm around Dorian, who closed his eyes. Trevelyan kissed the top of his head and Dorian sighed happily.

"I've remembered a poem," he said dreamily. "Starry eyes and starry seas, who could ever love me but he?"

Trevelyan pulled away from him and Dorian laughed, "I didn't say it was a good poem. I just remembered it."

"I said that to you when I was drunk," he admitted, "and you laughed at it then, too."

"So I have somewhat decent tastes, that's reassuring. For when I can read again."

"I don't know," Trevelyan said. "I've seen some of the trash you've read."

"Well," Dorian sighed, "I guess they'll all be fresh for me."

"I'll steer you towards the ones I remember you liking," he promised. 

"For now, you can keep reading to me," Dorian said, handing over Swords and Shields. "I need to know what happens next."

****

Lana offered to share a room at the Inn with Dorian, but he refused, not wanting a stranger to sleep beside him. Trevelyan finally agreed to, knowing that Dorian should be observed, particularly the first night on the road.

He tried to stay on the other side of the bed, letting Dorian curl in his usual way. He felt Dorian's feet touch the back of his legs and he let out a sigh.

"I remember things better when we're alone like this," Dorian murmured, "when it's quiet and dark. I can almost piece things together. It feels right when you're next to me. It feels like..."

Dorian turned to look at him and said, "I knew I was in love with you. I dreamed of you when I was there in that bed. I was barely aware of anything, but I remembered pieces of you. But it seemed...unreal to me. How could someone like you love someone like me? I could hear my father tell me again and again, I remember...blood. My blood. Maybe his. But it was all because of me. Because I wasn't right..."

Dorian shivered and Trevelyan brought him into his arms, holding him like a child.

"You're safe now," he promised.

"I remember you carried me," Dorian murmured, stroking the sides of his face. "I felt your lips on my skin, even before I started getting better. I was dreaming of you. I was frightened when I saw your face, because I didn't know what it meant. But...I see it now, more and more. You loved me too. Who I used to be."

"I love you," he said honestly, "even if this how things are now, even if this is always how it is...Dorian, I am so grateful that you're safe. I will do everything I can for you. For now and for always."

Trevelyan froze as Dorian kissed him softly. He rolled on top of him, kissing him harder. Trevelyan kissed him back before pulling away.

"I don't think I can have sex with you like this," he said softly. "Not yet. I don't want to hurt you or take advantage of you. Just..."

Dorian kissed him again and laid on his chest.

"I'll seduce you yet," he teased.

"I have no doubt of that," Trevelyan chuckled. 

****

Unfortunately for Dorian, the majority of the trip was by boat. He spent most of the time with a very patient healer trying to get through the worst of it, leaving Trevelyan with far too much time on his hands. He did, however, help hold his hair back when he could. 

****

Trevelyan had written ahead, warning them of Dorian's condition. His progress had slowed during the trip: he was still forgetting nouns, his hands were still shaking, and he still could not read, however much he tried. He was hoping he had better news to report once they got there, but Dorian seemed to have stabilized for the most part. Lana assured him that progress would begin again once he was settled back at home and that he was doing very well considering all the traveling.

Trevelyan held Dorian's hand nervously, though the other man was incredibly excited to walk through the gates of Skyhold.

"We can take it slowly with seeing people," he promised Dorian. "I don't want you to get too overwhelmed. I'll have your chambers prepared, you can go rest whenever you like."

Dorian argued, "I'm fine!"

Trevelyan saw his three advisors standing near the steps of the castle, Josephine waving excitedly. Cullen came first, extending his hand to Trevelyan.

"Welcome back, Inquisitor," he greeted, "and you too, Dorian."

"We play chess," Dorian said, smiling at him. "I always cheat and you always catch me. I'll be doing more of that since I don't remember how to play chess. I don't remember your name, I'm sorry."

"That's okay," Cullen said kindly. "We'll play a few games and it will come back to you. My name is Cullen, these two ladies are Josephine and Leliana."

Dorian apologized, "I'm sorry."

"Don't worry," Josephine said kindly. "Just come on in. I've had the chef prepare some lunch for the two of you and I've cleared out the garden so you can have some quiet. Mistress Lana will be roomed next to you, Dorian, if you need anything."

Dorian looked back at Trevelyan who said softly, "I'll have to work during the day from time to time. But I'm not going anywhere. You're going to meet everyone again and you'll have lots of company. For the next few days, I'll try to stay close by. Okay?"

Dorian nodded, holding his hand tighter.

"Now," Trevelyan sais. "I'll reintroduce you to Varric. I've been reading his books to Dorian, it'd be nice for someone else to do the storytelling."

He helped Dorian up the steps, supporting his lower back. Dorian took deep breaths, tapping against his own hand nervously as Varric was reintroduced to him. After their almost silent meal in the garden, the two spent the afternoon by the fire with him. Varric read aloud to a slowly relaxing Dorian and Trevelyan sat by, reviewing the months of paperwork he was behind on. 

When Dorian grew tired, he helped him to his room and tucked him in. Since it was still early, he went back downstairs to Josephine's office, seeing his three advisors in conversation with each other.

"He's much worse than I thought," Josephine admitted. "He seems so...lost."

Leliana bit her lip. "Is there anything we can do?"

"He's better," Trevelyan reassured. "He's stable and he's gone through the trip okay. I'm going to talk it over with Vivienne, she may have some ideas for reeducating his magical talents. I'm going to find him a tutor as well to coach him on his reading and writing. He'll be much better once he's back to his books. As much as he can, anyway."

Cullen sighed, "Damn shame."

Josephine reassured, "He'll have the best of care here. And you have all of our love and support, Inquisitor. You should get some rest yourself."

"I'm fine. Really. It's...it's frustrating. But, I love him. It's funny; he's different now, but he's still Dorian. He still makes fun of me, even if he can't use the long words he could before. There's something very comforting about that."

****

Trevelyan paused, hearing Dorian laugh. He smiled, walking out into the garden to see he and Cullen in a chess match.

The Inquisitor leaned against the doorway, watching without saying anything. 

Dorian chuckled, "You think that little maneuver will outflank me, did you? Two moves and I have you dead in the water."

"I think you may actually be better at this game than you were before," Cullen said.

"Or now you feel sorry for me and are letting me cheat," Dorian said. "I'm not complaining either way."

Cullen looked up. "Inquisitor, did you need me?"

Trevelyan shook his head. "Sorry, just eavesdropping."

Dorian rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. I can play a game without falling to the ground crying. I can even hold the pieces myself."

He lifted up a pawn and though his hand shook, it stayed in his grip.

Trevelyan laughed, "Okay, I'll stop worrying. I'll see you at dinner."

****

"A moment, my dear, if you have one."

Trevelyan looked up from his desk, seeing Vivienne standing before him.

"What is it?"

Vivienne sat down and smiled kindly.

"I have been monitoring Dorian's progress for these past few weeks, as you know. It is important to me that he has the proper education and support as he relearns his skills and I am...fond of the boy," she explained.

"Is something wrong?" Trevelyan asked.

Vivienne said, "I am afraid he may be peaking in his abilities. Not that he can't learn anymore, but he may not be as...adept as he once was. Competent, but not as talented as he was before. I have seen him grow frustrated, particularly with his progress relearning reading and writing. I know he is not speaking to you of it, but I thought you should be aware. The last few days especially, he has been very agitated and quick to anger towards himself. Speak to him. I do not want to see his education suffer because of this."

"I appreciate this," he replied, standing. "Where is he now?"

"In the gardens, I believe," she said, "He is often there in the afternoons."  
Trevelyan nodded to her and left the room, walking through the halls and outside. He saw Dorian in the dirt, tending to a plant beside Fiona. He smirked. Dorian getting over his dislike of the outdoors was a pleasant change.

Dorian saw him and stood up, Fiona supporting him slightly. Dorian walked over, wiping the soil off of his brow.

"There're already shoots of that Royal Elfroot I planted last week, do you see them?" He pointed to the little blue blades coming out of the ground. "Now you won't have to go traipsing all over the Hinterlands the minute someone needs a tonic."

"You're getting a sunburn," Trevelyan teased. "Maybe Cole can recommend a nice hat for you. Your hair's getting long enough, we can just braid it down the back and you can look like a real farmer."

"Ha ha." Dorian rolled his eyes.

Trevelyan took him by the arm and led him to a bench. Dorian drank from his canteen and offered it to him.

"I miss drinking," Dorian confided, "though I'm not sure I'd like it anymore. Ferelden beer is an acquired taste and I don't remember acquiring it."

"You're not missing much," he agreed.

"How long have we been back, amatus?" Dorian asked. "I'm having trouble counting days and such. Bull got me a calendar, but that's not really useful to me right now."

"Vivienne mentioned you were having some...difficulty in that department."

"She told you I threw a book at Varric, didn't she?"

"Actually she didn't," Trevelyan laughed.

Dorian blushed, "He was being an ass, I wasn't exactly thinking it through. They're both trying to be kind, I get it. Everyone's being kind. I just..."

Dorian admitted, linking his hand with his, "I really want to go back to how it was before. I'm sure it wasn't perfect, but...I miss you."

"I'm right here," Trevelyan reassured.

"I know," Dorian said, smiling sadly, "but you didn't sign on for this. You're more...my caretaker now, that's how you see it, isn't it? You've barely touched me in the past three weeks. It's been three weeks, right? It's probably longer."

Trevelyan's heart sank. "Do you really think I don't love you anymore?"

"I wouldn't blame you," Dorian said softly.

Trevelyan whispered, "I didn't touch you because you don't like being touched. You flinch anytime someone brushes against you. I just don't want to hurt you."

"It's different with you," Dorian explained, "and my friends. I just...it's hard. I...um...Sorry. I'm having trouble here."

"Take your time," Trevelyan reassured.

Dorian paused, breathing deeply before continuing. "It's like I'm reliving old things. There's an Orleasian phrase, I don't remember it. Like I remember something like it and confuse it with what's happening now. It's....strange. But with you, it's clear enough that when you touch me, I don't confuse it with something else. Same with other people that I know care about me. Sorry, I'm rambling. I just...I would understand if you don't see me the same way. You have seen me at my worst-hopefully, maybe I was more of an ass before-and I..."

"Can I kiss you?" Trevelyan asked quietly.

Dorian trembled slightly as he nodded.

Trevelyan brought him into his arms gently, running his hand through his growing hair. He cupped his face with his other hand and kissed him tenderly. Dorian sighed happily, kissing him again.

"I have never stopped loving you," he promised. "I want you to get better for your sake, not mine. When we were in Tevinter still...you reached for my hand, before you really woke up. And I knew that no matter what happened, that I would never love someone as much as I loved you."

Dorian asked quietly, "Can we get out of here?"

Trevelyan rose, putting his hand out for Dorian. Dorian pushed himself up and walked beside him, firm in his step.

"Cassandra's been making me work out every day," he joked. "I'm going to be in better shape than ever before soon. I'll be even more muscular than Blackwall."

"I hope not," Trevelyan laughed, "We'll have to buy you all new clothes."

"Oh no, what a shame that would be."

****  
They returned to their own personal chambers. Dorian sat down on the lounge, stretching his legs out towards the fireplace. He sighed, letting the muscles relax. Three flights of stairs were still a bit much for him, but he rather liked the ache. It was oddly comforting. 

Trevelyan came back to the lounge, holding two glasses of grape juice.

"Solidarity," Trevelyan promised. 

Dorian laughed, clinking his glass against his.

"So, what are we celebrating?" Trevelyan asked.

Dorian put down his glass. "I'll show you."

Dorian stood up and put his arms out. He then raised his left foot up, balancing himself on his right foot. He then put his right index finger on his nose.

"Look at that," Dorian laughed. "Couldn't do that a month ago."

"That seems like a very oddly specific thing to want to do."

Dorian put his foot back down. "Once I realized I couldn't, it pissed me off. So Cassandra had me walking on lumber beams for weeks. Worth every splinter."

"You're taking this all so well," Trevelyan said, reaching out to hold his hand.

Dorian smiled sadly. "I'm trying."

Dorian sat down shakily and Trevelyan pulled him into his arms. Dorian snuggled into his neck, feeling comforted.

"Still like me?" Dorian asked.

Trevelyan stroked his face. "You don't have to ask me that every day, my love. Nor do you have to learn how to do strange balancing tricks that no one ever has to do."

"I have to do something," Dorian said angrily. "Eventually the stupid cripple act will only get me so far. If I can't do anything useful, I might as well learn a few party tricks."

"Dorian," he murmured. "That's not what I meant."

"What are you waiting for, Alquin?" Dorian asked, pushing him away. "I'm not ever going to be the same man. I tried to be perfect all my life and my family couldn't love me. And now...Maker. I'm a joke."

"Dorian," Trevelyan said firmly. "Listen to me."

Dorian fumed as Trevelyan continued, "It's not going to be the same as before. I'm okay with that. I'm so grateful that I have you in my life. And you're different, yes, but I love this Dorian as much as the other Dorian. And if you change again, I'll love that Dorian too. You know that. I know you're upset but-"

"You can't possibly understand," Dorian barked. "Imagine that you have everything you know about yourself stripped from you. Everything you pride about yourself, gone. Because someone who claimed he loved you decided you weren't good enough to begin with. Now imagine you're that shadow of a man. Then you might understand why I was happy that I could do something a toddler could do or fear that the man I love doesn't really love me back."

Dorian found himself shaking and Trevelyan held him, kissing him softly.

"I'm sorry," Dorian whispered, tears running down his face. "I'm so sorry...I'm trying, my love, but I just..."

"You've been so strong," he murmured in reply, "but you don't have to be. What happened to you...Maker, I can't even imagine. You aren't any less of a man than you were before."

Dorian kissed him grasping at his hair. He kissed him back hungrily before pulling away again.

"Please," Dorian pleaded, his heart racing. "I know you think you'd be taking advantage, but I want you. I just need to be with you again, in every way. I am choosing this. If you want me."

Trevelyan kissed him again, resting his forehead against his.

"Are you sure?"

"More than anything," Dorian reassured.

They kissed again, moving slowly towards the bed. They undressed each other, watching the other intently before they fell into the sheets together. Dorian felt him kiss down his chest but he pulled him up.

"I just want you," he murmured.

Trevelyan kissed him before reaching over to his end table, fumbling until he found a bottle of oil. He coated himself slowly, his soft smile reassuring him. 

"What's most comfortable for you?" Trevelyan asked.

"My legs are still too weak, as much as I'd love to be on top of you," Dorian joked nervously.

They kissed softly as he knelt above him, pulling Dorian's thighs around his hips. They came together slowly but Dorian still bit his lip. Trevelyan kissed down his neck before sliding further in, holding still firmly to his thighs.

They spoke little as they moved together, a few smiles and awkward laughs. Dorian touched himself, looking adoringly up at the man holding him. As he grew close, he leaned up, kissing him tenderly. Trevelyan thrust a little harder, his nose brushing against his.

For the first time in their entire relationship, they came together. They both gasped, grinning at the other between hungry kisses. Trevelyan held him to him, bringing him gently into his arms as they laid back on the bed.

"You realize this isn't going to magically fix everything now," Trevelyan warned with a smile.

Dorian kissed him back. "It's a good start."


End file.
